Where the Wild Things Are

The hype is already established.  The critics are raving.  We all know the story.  We’ve all seen the trailer.  And now I’m telling you that this movie is 200% worth the price of admission.  I’ve never seen anything like it.  Spike Jonze has absolutely surpassed any expectation you could have leveled upon him.  Where “Being John Malkovich” was conceptually groundbreaking, “Wild Things” is, simply put, visually awe inspiring.  Furthermore, Jonze and Dave Eggers took Sendak’s original 10 sentences of dialogue, and created a masterful think-piece on the nature of childhood, isolation, self-expression, and self-discovery.  Listen, see this movie as soon as possible.  I simply can’t emphasize this point enough.  It’s just one of those movies whose importance is so clearly established irrespective of whatever acclaim may come its way.  Whether it’s an era-defining film I can’t say, but it has certainly set a new bar for what can be done with the medium.

NM

Truly one of the greatest comedic minds of our time.

Ok girls!!!!

I’ve always been amazed by teenage/20-something girls ability coordinate a complicated pose on the spot.  It’s almost as if high schools offer some class in picture-arranging that was miraculously kept a secret.  I could not tell you how many times I’ve seen groups of girls – sometimes as large as two dozen – pop into prime picture taking position within two minutes.  Not only is the mere feat outrageous, but it also begs the question of why you would need such a picture taken in that moment.  There are really not many occasions that call for a group photo.  Holidays, graduations, team victories, reunions, family events; these are clearly situations that mandate such an arrangement.  Why girls feel the need to create these photo ops at every house party is completely beyond me.  There’s nothing to see.  After how many completely identical photos will all you American girls be content?  It astounds, and quite frankly, bothers me.

Like Ugg boots, this troubling trend is just one of those things that irks me because it seems so totally superfluous.  Girls, when you’re perusing the facebook to relive all the good times, can you even tell the difference between one posed photo and the next?  None of these parties are discernably or exotically varied, so can you take a gander and say to yourelf, “Oh yea, that was Steve’s party!”  No way.  In reality, you say “Wait, was this Steve’s or Mark’s?  No no no no no, this had to have been when Tom brought us all to Sig Ep.  Right?”  So if all the poses are the same, and all the parties are the same, why even bother?

Can any of you envision men (or dudes, I should say) getting into this kind of thing?  The mental picture is like ippecac for the brain.  It’s so totally ridiculous that it needs to expelled immediately.  So let’s say, for a second, that group poses are a hot party trick for young guys: how do you decide who bends over, literally, to fill up the front row?  Let’s talk about that bending over for a second, because it’s really the aspect of the pose that I find most fascinating.  Seriously, how do girls decide who takes the front row?  And when did all teenage girls perfect the art of the hands on the knees squat?  That squat, by the way, has to be the most feminine position any human could position themselves in.

Anyway, I’ve ranted enough, and it’s been really good for me.  As you can tell, the learned poses freak me out in a big way.

City of God

I’ve always been somewhat behind the times.  Or to put it another way: I seem to miss out on most popular things in the peak of their popularity.  Now, while I would like to say that’s usually a consequence of me having tapped into a cooler scene, the reality is that I’m probably just unaware or too lazy to get with it like everyone else.  The clearest example of this is my acquisition of music.  Some of the really scene-y bands [read: Passion Pit, MGMT] are now staples in my library, but I was totally unaware of them until two months ago.  Right.  I absolutely read about both acts long before that, but I was complacent, and now I look like a poseur when I cue them up at a party.  But this particular example only points out a relatively brief period of being in the dark (two months).  In some instances, I exclude myself for much longer.

For the better part of 4 years I’ve been aware of the film City of God, and I only just watched it this morning.  Why is this significant?  People have been raving to me about this flick for all this time – absolutely gushing with adulation – and still I put it off.  Laziness.  And of course, now I know that City of God is an utterly magnificent picture; bordering on perfect.  Seriously, baring that I encounter the rare masterpiece, I doubt I will see a better movie this year, and this angers me.  This particular instance isn’t even about me being part of the conversation – “Yea I’ve seen that movie, and it’s amazing.” – it’s more that I can’t believe I deprived myself of such a masterful work of art for as long as I did.

So if you’re like me and you constantly put it off for later, or if you just had no idea it existed, WAKE UP… CEASE AND DESIST… and see City of God as soon as you can.

The Band – Acadian Driftwood

“Everlasting summer filled with ill content… this government had us walking in chains… this isn’t my turf… this aint my season… I can’t think of one good reason to remain… I’ve worked in the sugar fields up from a New Orleans… It was ever green up until the flood… you could call it an omen… it points you where you’re goin… Set my compass north… I got winter in my blood.” – JRR

The Sad Truth of the Washington Redskins

Few aspects of DC life incite as much emotional fervor as the Washington Redskins.  To say that ‘skins fandom is like religion is a tragic understatement.  Skins fans will do anything for this team.  While I know that the same could probably be said for fans of just about any team, it’s always more intense when the people in question are those closest to you.  The beginning of every season sees my friends and family radiating with excitement and optimism, and then, without fail, that glow is quickly reduced to a few sputtering blips.  I’m always astonished at this process – one that I often see unsuccessful sports teams drag their base through.  But I guess that’s the very nature of being such a fan.  Right?  You stick with your boys until they, one day, find a winning combination.  Thus, you are finally victorious, and all your hardships no longer seem in vein.

My issue with the Washington Redskins (besides the antiquated racism that’s implicit in their name) is that they have, for years, had everything any team would need to succeed.  Firstly, the money is most definitely there.  Year after year, the ‘skins bring in heaps of money, and are currently the 2nd highest grossing NFL team.  So you would think that such a sturdy financial base must earn them significant capital in terms of skill… right?  Well, in reality they are an enormously talented team – they are every year.  In fact, most squads would kill for at least a few of the names we’ve had on our roster over the last decade.  But therein lies the real mystery of this beleaguered team.

With so much money and so much skill, how is it that Redskins are still the laughing stock of the NFC east?  Perhaps you do what most people do: blame the owner, Dan Snyder.  He writes the checks, he makes the hires, and so all this misery must lay on his be-suited lap.  But maybe he’s just a peripheral figure, so the coaches are to blame.  They have control of all this outrageous talent, and even still, they remain unsuccessful in steering us to a win (and yes, I am aware that I have begun using possessives).  Wait, maybe the coaches are doing all they can, and the players’ new found egsorbitent wealth has made them indifferent to the score at the end of the 4th quarter.  Could it be… dare I say… yes, it’s a combination of all these things.  But, in truth, I believe that, while these factors are significant, they do not hint at the inherent truth of the Washington Redskins.

This is a doomed team.  In contrast, the Boston Redsox WERE another team that made a habit of failing its fans, but they had history on their side.  It didn’t matter if you were a Sox fan or not, you couldn’t deny the weight of their first World Series in a generation.  People simply felt excited to watch history.  On the other hand, you have the Detroit Lions – a team whose inability to win is almost looked upon lovingly by fans across the country.  To most, it’s impossible to dislike the Lions, because that would be like kicking a man while he’s down.  The Redskins have neither history or national sympathy on their side.  They’re just a sub par team that can’t seem to jerk itself from a stupor.  They, we, whatever… are just a shitty team, not a terrible one [read: Detroit Lions], just a shitty one.  My family and I know this because we’ve always managed to keep our emotions tucked away from the boys in crimson and yellow.  However, my friends – who long ago pledged their hearts and souls – simply cannot admit this inherent truth about their team.

So there I am yesterday afternoon, the ‘skins are almost done with their Sunday game, the score was 17-2 in their favor at the half.  My friends are elated.  They have reached the point at which they remember what a solid Sunday performance feels like.  They are proud of their boys… and then the 2nd half starts.  I was not shocked when the Redskins completely lost the game in the 4th quarter.  To me that seemed routine.  Unfortunately, it also seemed all too routine that I watched my friends lose all that hope and ebullience that I found so attractive not 45 minutes before.  It kills me to watch them go through this.  Season after season, I must watch the Washington Redskins injure so many people who I care deeply about.  For that, I may never forgive them.

Bacon

“You’ve got to keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.” – on how he and his wife have made a Hollywood marriage work for 10+ years.

Gahzunteit

There are certain behaviors that have been socialized into almost all of us.  Of those, almost none are more pervasive than the act of ‘blessing’ someone after they sneeze.  I had never thought anything of this habit, that is, until I went to Korea.  It’s not that Koreans aren’t into God.  We’ve already discussed that Koreans most definitely are a God-fearing people, like us.  However, unlike us, they forego the post-sneeze blessing.  You could let loose an air-raid level sneeze in a crowded room in Korea, and hear nothing but crickets.

I suppose I found this disquieting at first.  Sometimes I would relent and toss out a ‘bless you’, though it would usually fall on deafening silence.  It’s not that Koreans didn’t know what I was doing, in fact many of them were excited to hear me use it, as they had heard that Americans do such things.  Though that excitement only came out because they saw my reaction as a novelty.  To them, I suppose sneezing is a personal thing, and any acknowledgement thereafter is superfluous.  I definitely didn’t get it at first.  Sneezing to a room of utter silence just felt so… naked.  Then I began to think about the ramifications of the post-sneeze blessing.

What does it say about us as a people that we invoke God after what is essentially just a bodily discharge?  Having considered that, why don’t we all bless each other after a fart or a burp?  After all; farting, burping, and sneezing are hardly dissimilar.  There’s almost no difference between a sneeze and a cough, and yet coughing goes unanswered.  Do we not bless after the cough because it’s less… silly-sounding than the sneeze?  If so, isn’t the blessing then totally superficial?

I think the most fascinating thing about the ‘bless you’ is that it is commonly used by people who practice little-to-no religion in their daily lives.  When you don’t profess to have faith, from what well of divine juice do you fish out your blessings?  Of course most non-religious people don’t consider the implications of a ‘bless you’, because it’s just something that Americans do.  When someone sneezes, we bless them, and it has nothing to do with God.  Right?  But when you think about it, blessings cannot really be secular.  Thus, I have no problem with a religious person throwing it around after I let fly, but how can it not be hollow from a non believer?  Listen, I don’t personally buy into faith, so I can’t really accept a truly religious ‘bless you’.  But I appreciate a religious ‘bless you’ a bit more because it has some weight.  I’d rather get something else from a non-believer, maybe something that actually means something to them.

So let’s really discuss the merits of a ‘bless you’, and I’m talking now to all those out there like me who don’t really see a place for ourselves in the pews on Sunday.  Do we a)just cut out our use of bless you (as I basically have) or b)do we come up with a secular alternative for our use.  Let’s talk about the second option.  What is important to secular people?  Let’s say… money.  So if money is the God of secular people, do we then say “Good wealth, brother” to a dude who has just sneezed?  Or let’s say you’re a secular person who’s really into music.  Should you use “Rock on!” when in the presence of a sneeze?

Right now I’ve officially abandoned saying anything after a sneeze.  In Korea this would be normal, but just yesterday it got me into an awkward situation.  I’m sitting in a room with one other guy, we’re both working on various materials, he sneezes, I do nothing, he sneezes again, I do nothing again, repeat x 2.  The whole time I’m sitting there thinking, “This guy must think I’m a douche bag.”  But really, aren’t I just a more conscientious person for not blessing him with religious capital that I don’t really have?  After all, you wouldn’t write a check you couldn’t cash…

Ballmer

Living in the DC area exposes one to a variety of accents.  We get a little New York, a lot of deep south, and a good mix in between.  Unfortunately this mix includes a disproportionate amount of Baltimore.  I say this without reservation: the Baltimore accent is the grossest accent I’ve ever heard.  I’m not sure I can describe it, at least with the amount of clarity that it deserves.  I suppose I could say that it’s a fusion of rural Pennsylvania, booze, and high cholesterol.  It’s the type of accent you would imagine all overweight, female phone operators might have.  Now, I’m not making any statement of the people of Baltimore themselves.  I just think that they have one of the most truly unfortunate accents in the known universe.

Here is the best that youtube has to offer.

p.s. – If anyone can find a ‘natural’ Baltimorian letting it rip, please, PLEASE send me the link.

Get Up On It…

My day is closing down, and I’ve got a monster ahead of me tomorrow.  I’m not pumped about it, but a good friend of mine once told me that your day can only be so bad if you squeeze in a little funky music at one point.  So to those of you toiling out in the world tomorrow, let me also suggest that you make time for some funk.  I know Sly would agree…